There are days when it feels like nothing is going on, and then there are days when it feels like everything is going on at the same time. There's never an in-between. Right now it's feeling like the latter and it's really stressing me out. I left campus for Centennial Conference Champs early Friday morning and got back Sunday at midnight. Next weekend I'll also be gone Friday to Sunday, and the weekend after that is spring break, which marks the halfway point of my second semester of college. Ah, but don't forget all the mid-terms I'll have to take right before vacation.
I was having a horrible weekend, but I woke up this morning and life was okay. "Morning's great that way. You can cry yourself to sleep and wake up wondering what the fuss was over." -Terri Farley, Seven Tears Into the Sea. While I didn't cry myself to sleep, I did let out a few cries of frustration here and there. Nothing really terrible happened, but my tolerance level decreases as stress increases.
The highlight of my weekend was the Hampton's complimentary beverage bar: 1) Swiss Miss hot chocolate mix, 2) coffee cups with various prints of lips and moustaches, and 3) different colored coffee cup sleeves with various prints of bow ties, necklaces, earbuds, and cameras. If this was the highlight of my weekend, what does that tell you? But I guess, to be fair, the bar was pretty cool.
I forced myself to hold off writing this post, because I didn't want it to become one huge rant and burden you with my whining. Instead, I angrily wrote out my feelings in private to capture my emotions so that I could channel them in a more controlled manner through this post to deliver a coherent message to you. But don't worry, I had a cathartic ranting session with some friends irl too.
What do you do when you come across a person or situation you're just so done with? What do you do when all your fricks have flown away? At this point, I couldn't exhaust any more energy to put on a composed exterior. I shut down. It's not a great coping mechanism, but it's my instinct. I get a lot of crap about it from my parents, and for good reason too. I figure shutting down is better than blowing up, but that's just an excuse. Either way, you end up hurting the people around you, especially the ones who care the most, which are the people who deserve it the least, and that was my greatest regret.
In this situation, my shutting down only fed the fire, so it was a vicious cycle that nobody won. While I could have just sucked it up, I don't think that that's fair. Why should I have to take the mental/emotional abuse? "Abuse" may be too strong of a word; perhaps "injustice" is more fitting. You get my point. Anyways, I admit that I was probably picking a fight with the way I reacted to the situation. So what could I have done differently? What's a stubborn person to do in a stubborn situation?
When you get frustrated, the easy way out and most common instinct is to lash out, but don't. Stay focused and in control. Do something that involves rhythm such as counting to ten or taking deep breaths, and keep doing this until your rhythm evens out and slows down. Think about what's really happening before you decide how you want to react. Whichever way you choose to do it, think positive and keep your interaction with other people respectful. Often times you might take out your anger on something (or someone) other than the cause of your frustration. To make sure that you don't wrongfully blame others, practice using "I statements" to describe how you feel.
I'm definitely not a pro at dealing with people who frustrate me (like, at all), so please leave some tips in the comments below about how you might deal, because right now I only have two tactics:
- Content yourself with knowing that karma's a biatch. Whether or not you believe in the religious concept of karma, I think there is some kind of sense to it. If someone lives their life being a donkeybutt, life is going to bite them back in the donkeybutt. You get what you give.
- Overcompensate to point out how ridiculous everything is. This option is a little more immature, but it's a lot more fun and probably what I'd resort to. And maybe it's not so bad a method. It's sure to keep the mood lighthearted. For example, if someone is being unnecessarily impatient, you can reply to everything they order with, "Sir, yes sir!" and give a salute and everything. I guess this is a more proactive version of being passive aggressive.
Finally after this long weekend I'm back at Bryn Mawr. It's good to be home :)
PS: 07. 06. 05. 04. 03. 02. 01.