I'm in a bit of a slump right now. Not just a blogging slump but a life slump. A blogging slump I can deal with; take a break and come back when I'm ready and inspired. But a life slump... You can't take a break from life unfortunately. Sleep is probably the closest I'll get, and who knows how much of that I'll manage to get. Don't get me wrong, 2015 has been a good year. It just didn't end quite so hot. But hey, at least there's nowhere to go but up, right?
I'm becoming apathetic. After high school, I promised myself I'd never feel this way again. Junior year and senior year of high school were total bullshit, a total waste of two years. The stuff I learned have become entirely irrelevant as I'm studying computer science and linguistics right now, neither of which were offered at my high school.
I've been musing about what it'd be like if I just stopped blogging. Just the fact that I'm considering this is scary. Blogging used to be something I was undeniably passionate about. Can you believe that I used to post daily when I first started blogging during my senior year of high school? And now I feel like I'm always trying to catch up. When I post, sometimes it's only because I haven't posted in weeks. Lots of my adventures are shared months late. Some of them I've given up on sharing, like my trip to the Philadelphia Museum of Art with my dad, and my trip to the Lego exhibit with Georgina and Victoria.
Sophomore year has been quite draining, and I can't help but wonder whether or not I'd cope better if I had more time, which I could free up a lot of if I stopped blogging, because that would include all the time spent taking photos, editing them, thinking of what to write, and writing it, which is a lot of time.
But I feel like blogging has become my identity, and if I don't blog anymore, then who am I? At school, I'm that artsy blogger/photographer. Blogging really has permeated most aspects of my life and also the way I look at it. Other than blogging, I don't think anything else distinguishes me. What really worries me is that if I'm willing to drop blogging, something so close to me, who knows what I'll drop next? (x)
Luckily, there's more than the fear of oblivion driving me to blog. It's my creative outlet. It's a way for me to document the parts of my life I want to remember, the happiest moments, or at least the most aesthetic moments, but same difference ;P Maybe I just need to write more candidly. It'll feel like less work; it'll feel more genuine. Not that I've ever lied, but my heart just hasn't been there lately.
So this year I need to refocus. I need to refocus on myself. In other words, I don't want to think about growing my blog so much as rekindle my passion for blogging and also just for life in general.
Like last year, I've decided to go with a focus word/theme and an accompanying quote, rather than a resolution. Last year I couldn't decide between three and so went with all three of them, but this year it was immediately clear what my word would be, thanks to this podcast about thinking like a child.
In 2016, I want to think like a child, to have the curiosity of a child, to be endlessly fascinated by everything I encounter and have a desire to discover and learn, not just of the obvious, but of the little, peripheral details adults wouldn't think or care to pay attention to.
Thank you for sticking with me through my ups and downs. I started off the year with 80 of you following my journey, aimed for 150 by the end of the year, 200 if I was feeling ambitious, and am so grateful to have 260 of you here with me now. This year I will not be setting a goal for how many people I want to lure into thinking I'm cool. Rather, I want to focus on keeping our relationship alive. So my game-changing, demanding blogging goal of the year is to...
Get posts out within two months. (lol)
As in, get a post out within two months of whatever I'm talking about happening. So far I've been averaging about... six months. I think a lot of keeping our relationship alive--keeping my updates fresh, casual, and relevant--has to do with being prompt with my posts and responses, so that I'm not straining my brain trying to recount the events, and so that you know how I'm doing currently.
Anywho, now that I have a [very] general plan, I'm feeling better about the year already. To 2016!
(Also, in case any of you freaked out, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.)
tl;dr-- 2015 has been good though it ended kinda rough, leaving me feeling a little numb. My mantra for 2016 is "curiosity," with which I hope to approach life with the fascination of a child. My blog goal for 2016 is to get posts out within two months.
PS: highlights of 2015, 2015 blogging goals, 2015 personal mantras